A word to the wise, Mercury Retrograde is coming
December 19th, get you gift-giving done BEFORE then!!!
Are you one of these people who:
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have a list a mile long of people to buy for this Xmas
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are short on time, ideas and cash
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haven’t the foggiest notion what to buy Aunt Millie, Uncle Fred or Cousin Jose
Imagine holding the golden key to Santa’s List. That’s right, unless Santa’s a Scorpio and buried that list deeper than the Dead Sea Scrolls I can clue you in. Ask the people on your list what is their Zodiac sign (or their birth date). Unless you want to waste a lot of time going around the bush and calling up everyone’s mother, grandmother and the midwife…just ask.
Let’s start with Aries, because they want to be first in everything and after all, they are the leaders of the pack and technically the first sign of the Zodiac.
Aries: (Mar 21-Apr 20) The Ram is always butting horns so you can’t go wrong with anything that’ll cushion the blow, a pair of boxing gloves (to release all that sporadic energy), tickets to a spur of the moment adventure, airline tickets to uncharted territory…the hotter the better, anything that moves fast, drives fast and is a challenge, add the color red & a subscription to Racer magazine
Taurus: (Apr 21-May 21) Now you’ll need a red cape to drag the Bull out of his Bull-Pen because he’s way too comfortable there, but you’ll be in his will if he/she finds tickets to the opera, ballet or the museum in their stocking. You’ll get the whole estate if you add a gift card to an exclusive restaurant with a wine list to match, throw in a few emeralds and a Bocelli CD and you’re in like Flynn + a subscription to Saveur magazine
Gemini: (May 22-June 21) Our Twins you’ll need to out think, their intellect is razor sharp. A gift certificate to Fry’s or one of those stores that has all those puzzles and games that only a Mensa Mind can figure out. You’ll score double if it’s yellow and let’s not forget a subscription to People magazine + accessories for their Smart phone
Cancer: (Jun 22-Jul 22) Ah the Crab, there’s no skirting the issue here…a Crab is at home in her kitchen, anything from cookbooks to kitchen accessories including the latest kitchen gadgets. Cancerians are nostalgic, a scrapbook, a photo collage, picture frames anything that holds memories. You’ll get the seat at the head of the table with a DVD of her life including kids, family, and the pet Oscar. They do love that silvery ball in the sky; you’ve just been adopted if you show up at Xmas with the Moon.
Leo: (Jul 23-Aug22) The Lion/Lioness is King/Queen of the Jungle so a mirror studded in diamonds would do the job. Gold is their color; anything that wreaks elegance is sure to let out a grateful roar. Tickets to the most elegant black-tie affair, limo included would get you a seat as the chauffeur. When in doubt whatever makes them shine, throw in a subscription to Glamour magazine.
Virgo: (Aug 23-Sep22) Good luck with this one, I love you Virgos but you can be just a teeny weeny bit on the picky side. Who you? They may need an extra pair of white gloves just in case you don’t pass the dust test. They do love organic gardening, herbs, anything involved in keeping them healthy…a ticket to a spa (as long as it’s a practical spa) might just be what the doctor ordered to help them relax a bit…you can’t go wrong with anything that measures + Herbs for Health magazine
Libra: (Sep 23-Oct 22) Keep it simple please, unless you want your Xmas dinner delayed a couple of hours while they’re deciding which gift to open first, you’ll win them over with flowers, art, culture, all the finer things in life, find out when and where the latest museum exhibit is opening and send tickets with a fine bottle of wine…along with a meet and greet with Laurie Hernandez and Val Chmerkovskiy
Scorpios: (Oct 23-Nov 21) The deeper and more mysterious the better, send them tickets to an archeological dig, or exploring the caves of Pierre Saint Martin, or the hidden jungles of Pantanal, Brazil’s best-kept secret. Surveillance cameras, or anything else top-secret agents use would bring that Scorpion’s intensity to an all-time high. You’ll hit the target with anything from Victoria’s Secret, give them a treasure chest that locks with a subscription to Sherlock Holmes Mystery magazine, but don’t put yourself in a tizzy…you may not even find your Scorpion on Xmas day unless you’re prepared to dig deep
Sagittarius: (Nov 22-Dec 21) These people are so lucky even if you forget them on your Xmas list, ten other people won’t…Tickets to the Kentucky Derby, or the Royal Ascot would hit the jackpot with the Centaur…along with tickets to Vegas. A set of dice, playing cards or a Texas Hold-Em game, hell why not buy them their own slot machine so you can play too. Plane tickets to any foreign land is always a winner, or hey a paid for flying course so they can fly their own plane, + a subscription to Backpacker
Capricorn: (Dec 22-Jan 19) IF you can tear them away from the office on Xmas you’re batting a thousand…now that you’ve got them under the mistletoe, take their Smart phone out of their hand and replace it with a subscription to Home Improvement and a renewal to their Wall Street Journal magazine. A few more electronic gadgets in their Xmas stocking may keep them around till dinner is finished. Have them fix that hole in the roof so Santa can land safely with his team of reindeer and you’ve got them till the morning…Feliz Navidad
Aquarius: (Jan 20-Feb 18) For the eccentric Aquarian anything futuristic, a telescope for these astronomers and a copy of Stargazer puts you in their good graces. They love to play with the latest gadgets as they’re sipping on gourmet coffee and discussing the next march on Capital Hill. A subscription to The Independent Review or Against the Current displays nicely on their coffee table along side the most eccentric Tarot card deck.
Pisces: (Feb 19-Mar 20) The Fish is actually one of the easiest signs to buy for. They’re happy with anything having to do with water. Aquariums or more fish to go with the ones they have. Accessories for their boat, more Zen rocks for their fountains, journals to write down their day dreams and their night fantasies, a set of water-color paints so they can dream about being another Picasso. Anything spiritual or Spirits for that matter, they do like their liquids. When in doubt, you’ll be in the right pond with a subscription to Imbibe or Aquarium Fish.
Santa Starr & Ziggy Starrdust,
