LOOK FOR THE PONY!
By now most of you have heard; I resigned from my job, then ended up in ER…but what you may not have heard is: (as if the prior life changes aren’t enough):
- I got a phone call early Saturday morning (I was still sleeping)…the caller wanted to let me know my mom had died…
As you can imagine, I cried, I was numb, I was in shock, I went through the whole gamut of emotions. I had worked through forgiveness with my mom (for myself) quite a few years ago. The good news is I have no regrets as far as that goes, I was at a place of peace and our conversations over the last nine years since I’d been in Cali were pleasant enough. It’s still your MOM, and when she’s gone…all the wishing you could “say or do one more thing” ain’t gonna matter…
I had to laugh at the irony of everything, it’s one thing to choose to be out of a job, (and have not won the lotto YET)…then to end up in ER the last week of your final days of work, to know you’re moving, (cuz your lease is up) but God hasn’t told you where yet…then to lose your mom 2 days later…you have to laugh…and cry…and then come face to face with reality!
For me that reality is: there’s a pony here somewhere
(as my favorite Italian student Joe Baby reminded me today
when I spoke with him on the phone). If you don’t remember prior Soul Food stories about the pony…google it and I’m sure it’ll show up.
Here’s a poem I wrote yesterday after finding out my mom died: (she loved paper weights, so this is for her)
The Umbilical Cord Gets Cut Twice
On the day you were born, you’re clueless
Once the Dr. cuts the umbilical cord, you’re free
Free to be a screaming bundle of JOY, no more-no less
This is the day you start your journey, of who you’re gonna be
As you grow between awe & wonder, you learn who’s in charge-MOM
You smile to get the accolades of innocent bystanders
You know the right moment to cry for your curds & whey (aka the bomb)
You look up at your mom & you know the true meaning of unconditional love (w/o ann landers)
Life goes on, you move into your own skin
You think you’re invincible…until one day…
You’re in trouble, who do you call, your Momma; your next to kin
She’s always there thru thick & thin, you try to explain “you did it your way”
The years move on, then one day the phone rings
The umbilical cord is cut once again…there are no words
You start to sob, there’s nothing left but the sting
She’s left to soar to the Heavens, on the wings of a snow white bird
To mom, may your journey be filled with peace, love your daughter
Love,
Eva Starr
